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Dawn Summers
17 October 2005 @ 06:18 pm
So Faith left which I was half glad and half not for because I mean getting having bonding type moments with Faith was just weird, not bad because she was surprisingly insightful but still weird. I mean she tried to kill my sister years ago and I wasn't so sure I'd ever be totally over that, even if Buffy was. Which good for her, I've never been that forigiving, except for with Spike but dont' ask me why. Still all in all Faith was cool, she helped me out and talked some sense into me. Which was good because I'm not 12 anymore and Buffy is not out to get me.

God I have to apologize to her for being such a bitch. I mean I'm a teenager and everything and I'm always going to have issues with Buffy, because she's my sister and when are there not issues? Anyways, I have to apologize because I feel really bad, Buffy's got enough on her plate and me being a brat? So not helping.

That said I also needed to find Anna cause my head still feels like it's going to explode and hopefully she's not feeling the same. Plus I need to make sure she doesn't think I do things like that all the time. Call it rebellion or whatever but getting drunk out of my mind and stealing cop cars? Not a regular Dawn type activity, I think she knows that but seeing as how she's like the best friend I have here she needs to know.

Plus Anna's like really cool and her friends, the older witches? They are so probably reeming her out and really it's a lot my fault and I feel bad that she's probably in a lot of trouble.

Bad thing about being here and being who I am? I have way too many people to be disappointed in me when I do stupid stuff. Cause you know that's the worst, being punished is nothing, who cares right? It's over after a week or a month or whatever but having people you respect disappointed in you? Like a punch to the gut. No fun. Which again is why me apologizing to Buffy is happening sometime like yesterday.

So I wanted to do all that, really I did, but with my head still pounding like you wouldn't believe I laid down. Anna would have to come back to the room sometime right? And Buffy was probably off fighting some big bad so if I just closed my eyes and drifted off that wouldn't technically being avoiding stuff would it?

Cause knowing you need to do things and actually doing them? Way different!
Dawn Summers
23 September 2005 @ 09:20 pm
We left Angel er ... Seeley in the quad, I think he needed to clear his head and figure out whatever it was he was going to tell gun-toating-woman, Bones or whatever. I couldn't blame him, she was probably ready to commit him, if it weren't for growing up on the hellmouth this would all be a little bit harder to swallow. I mean Angel is Connor's real dad? Angel. That's like incrediable, and strange if you really want to think about it. What are the odd that I would meet and fall in love with Angel's son? God Buffy was going to have a field day, it would have to follow her kaniption but nonetheless a field day.

I was trying to focus on what we knew about the Morloak demons so far but all these questions were buzzing around in my head. Connor and I never talked about why he was so strong or why I knew a bunch of dead languages and could get any information on demons in the world by making a call to England or Italy. It was just a part of who we were as a couple, things in our lives were complicated enough why add in the past?

Plus I think I knew a lot of it wasn't good for him, just like I think he knew the same went for me. But now it's like pandora's box, it's open and it's not going to go away untill I know. But I'm not that pushy girlfriend and I'm not going to make him tell me anything. Or at least I'll try. I hate pushing people. It's why we actually work, we don't push. Still, this was all so weird.

We walked back to his dorm in silence, I think we both needed to process everything that we'd just learned. I mean Angel was alive, that was big news for me because he was the love of my sisters life, but I'd been so young when he was around. He'd always been so nice to me and it wasn't because I was Buffy's little sister, he was just nice that way. Really though, Angel was just a brotherly type figure I'd had in my life for a while, he called me brat and he gave me advice on bullies in school. But this was Connor's dad, his real dad and they obviously have some issues, I couldn't even imagine what it would be like for him.

Once we got to his room I headed over to his computer and logged into my e-mail. "Score!" I grinned as I opened the e-mail Giles sent me, I skimmed over his message going on about blasted computers and how Buffy's worried about the events that have been blah blah blah, he thinks this section of text is what we're looking for. So I start the download. Damn it was going to take a while.

Finally I turned around and looked at Connor who was laying down on his bed staring up at the ceiling lost in thought. I tilted my head to the side and watched him for long minutes before I got up and walked towards him. I sat down on the edge of the bed and took his hand.

"Hey you ok?"
Dawn Summers
21 September 2005 @ 11:36 pm
So I always thought having a big sister who was a slayer would be the biggest weirdness in my life, then of course there was finding out I’m a big ball of pure green energy. After that I didn’t think life could get any stranger. I’m used to things that go bump in the night and I’m used to looking out for myself.

So when I, who can actually slay a vampire every so often, get saved by a guy whose barely taller than me on my college campus? You’d think it wouldn’t surprise me, yet, that was me, totally surprised, floored even.

We don’t talk about it, I think it’s just this understanding that our past doesn’t matter, I know I really don’t want to explain not being real and I have no idea what his past is like but something tells me it’s not pretty. I know a good broody guy when I see one so I just let it go. When trouble happens we work as a team, I’m good with the research and I have resources Connor couldn’t even begin to imagine.

Plus, my boyfriend is beautiful in that clichéd inside and outside kind of way. I mean I can see that there’s a entire world that exists behind his eyes and I don’t want to pry. Sure I’m interested and I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him so I guess I do want to know but at the same time I don’t.

Maybe I’m just afraid to burst this amazing little bubble we’ve got. I like the way his arms feel around me. He makes me feel safe and for once in my life it’s not about Buffy. Not that I resent her anymore, ok not a lot, but he doesn’t know her or anything about her. He doesn’t like me because my sister is a superhero, and hey I think he could give her a run for her money if he wanted to. She’s totally freaking out about the stuff that’s going on around campus now and I keep trying to tell her that things are fine but she’s all Buffy. She’s got too much time on her hands and honestly I think she misses California even though she’d never admit it.

She hasn’t quite been the same since Angel disappeared, there’s still no word if he’s alive or dead, but everyone assumes he’s gone. Not Buffy though, she says she’d know, who am I to argue with her?

For once in my life things are blissfully simple, I’ve got an amazing boyfriend, classes are going well and I feel like I matter to the world in a less world-in-peril kind of way and just a contributing to society kind of way. It’s nice.
Dawn Summers
16 September 2005 @ 09:45 pm
I loved Italy for the first few months we were here. I mean it's still really nice but it gets annoying when Italian boys thing I'll just fawn all over them like a silly American girl. Ok so I did at first but I'm really over that, no I really am, after my last date with Paulo I'm swearing off guys forever. He was slobbery and pushy and I almost broke his nose!

It was fun, then I finished up school and have nothing to do. Buffy won't let me do anything besides watcherly stuff, which means no training just boring language learning. I like languages and I'm getting pretty good at some of the demon ones, but that's because Andrew went an entire month only talking in this one obscure language and I started to pick it up. Plus Latin started coming really easy, Buffy thinks I should study lanugages in school since I seem to have an affinity for them.

Granted Buffy's so freaked out right now I'm doing everything I can to be out of the apartment at all times. The first week after we heard about L.A. we were both hooled up in the apartment waiting for the phone to ring. I mean Spike (who Andrew finally decided to tell us WAS alive) and Angel were there and we tried to make ourselves believe they had nothing to do with the apocolyptic events but then we heard that Wolfram and Hart bascially emploded we couldn't not know.

Neither of them said anything to us when they were in Italy trying to save Buffy from the stupid immortal, not that she needed saving and I'm sure Andrew embelished everything he said. I mean Angel crying? Please. Anyways, I started to get angry when he told us. Angel was like a big brother to me when he and Buffy were dating, he always called me brat and told me I'd be a heart breaker when I got older. I think he was my first crush, and then he left and I was so mad, Buffy cried so much after he was gone, I don't remember a night when I couldn't hear her crying in her sleep. Then she started to get better. I liked Riley well enough, I mean he was nice but it wasn't the same.

And Spike? He'd been like my best friend before Buffy died and even for a while after. He did kind of taper off once they started having sex because all that mattered was making her miserable but whatever. I wanted to kill him when I found out he tried to rape her but sometime in that last year he was my Spike again, back to treated me like a person and not a kid, and Buffy forgave him.

They were two people who I'd missed, sure Angel had been gone longer so it'd gotten easier to deal with the fact that he wasn't around, but Spike died. Spike died and he didn't even bother to tell us he was alive whenever he came back, I still have no idea how that's even possible but he didn't tell us. They were both here and neither of them stayed around to say hey. And now they could be dead.

Buffy was cataonic for a while, I always wondered what would happen if Angel died, she keeps saying that maybe she's wrong, deep inside maybe when she was brought back something changed. I tried to ask her what she meant and she said she couldn't feel him, but she had to be wrong. When she came back it was different, he was alive, she knew it.

I wasn't so sure but I wasn't going to tell her, I just decided that we'd wait. I mean someone would tell us something. Someone would hear something right? They had to, everyone knew about Buffy and Angel and if something happened to him they'd tell her. Hell most people knew about Buffy and Spike too. I just had to stop worrying about it and I started getting out of the house and eventually Buffy started eating again and she's being the good slayer, but I can tell she's trying not to break down.

I groaned and stretched out on the couch, Buffy was out patrolling or training some new girls and I was avoiding my cell phone at all costs, I would not be going on another date with Paulo or any other boy, you know ever.
Dawn Summers
15 September 2005 @ 11:14 pm
I've never been the kind of girl who just sleeps with a guy after just meeting him, not anyone who knows me would say I wasn't because most people just think I'm a wicked huge slut and everything. Some of it's because they know my sister and some of it is cause I let them think it. Truth is, I'm not.

So me sleeping with a vampire a few hours after meeting him? It's pretty new. Wasn't exactly sure how to feel when I woke up alone feeling a lot better than I thought I should. I figured it was the out before the sun makes him ash thing, but it's possible it's more of a get some get gone thing. I didn't really like that thought and the shit I got from Faith when she asked me why the fuck William the Bloody was in my bed the night before almost made me regret the whole thing.


Turns out Faith got chased all over town, caught up fighting some big bad and when she got home she came to check on me and I was asleep with a very gorgeous vampire wrapped around me.

Worst thing is? She remembered him, so I got an ear full, she called me stupid and crazy and I managed to explain that he couldn't hurt me and all that then she turned into the Faith I know and asked me how it was. I fucking blushed! Me! I don't do the blushing thing and I got so much shit for it I wanted to hit her, it's not like she's that much older than me. She said she'd have to stake him and I begged her not to, even if it turned out to be just a nail and bail on his part. I actually liked him, I fucking liked him. He made me feel things no one else ever had and I'd just met the guy.

Then Faith told me we were leaving. That someone was after her and they'd already threatened me big time and she didn't give two shits about herself but she wasn't putting me in danger. I honestly care less where we left too or that we were leaving other than I didn't want to leave without talking to Spike. She said we'd go to L.A. stay for a while, see if Angel and Buffy would help her out. I didn't really see that happening but if she wanted to try that then it was up to her, if they hurt her though? Yeah I may not be a vampire but I can weild a stake and they have to sleep sometime.

She talked to Joyce and she adamantly refused to be any part of this and she said she was going to call someone to tell them about me. I begged her to leave it alone, but she refused so Faith and I grabbed our shit and left, she had to deal with some stuff before we left Sunnydale so we checked back into that fucking motor inn and she headed out.

Me? I wasn't sitting still, I had to see if I could find Spike. Maybe it was just a nail and bail but I wanted to say goodbye, I'm a fucking masochist that way. So I headed to the bronze, the cemetaries might have been smarter for actually finding him but the bronze was safer.

[Open Spike]
Dawn Summers
06 September 2005 @ 12:40 am
This was suppose to be one of those monumental moments you know? It's suppose to be some symbol of the life I'm about to start. If mom were still alive she'd be bugging me about grad school or getting a job with some agency or anything. If Buffy were alive she'd be so proud, she'd tell me she loved me and she was so happy for me. I'd be able to share this day with people who matter.

As it is, Xander called me way too early this morning, I don't even know what country he's in, but he said congradulations. Willow sent me an e-mail and Giles is getting too old to remember his name anymore let alone a graduation card. I'm trying not to be angry at any of them, Spike even called me, his opinion used to matter so much but ever since Buffy died he's useless. It's even worse this time and I hate it because I'm not her and it's like I can hear him thinking that over the phone.

And Angel? Yeah well Angel is standing in the back of the audotorium trying to blend into the wall. I wouldn't have even known he was alive after that huge battle with Wolfram and Hart if it hadn't been for Spike but that was before Buffy died. I can't help but wonder why the hell Angel is here. I mean, if you want to get technical Angel and me never actually met, I'm not kidding, I was made after he left sunnydale so all those thoughts and memories are just made up. Like the fact I fantasized that Angel was really my boyfriend? Yeah, it wasn't real. How nice he was to me? Also not real.

So how do I know he would even like me as a person? Beyond being this part of Buffy (literally) what is there to talk about? What's the point of being around me? I'm not her, I'm never going to be her and sometimes I feel like that's all everyone expects me to be.

It's why I'm in school in New York and away from Willow in Spain, Xander in Brazil and Giles in England. I don't want anything to do with the people who only want me to be her, they aren't even doing justice to her memory, they just want someone to replace her.

God, this day is about me and now I want to cry. I don't even resent her, I loved my sister, she was my best friend in those years after Sunnydale even with her continued bad taste in men, but she was. I loved her, and I still do; but it's like now that she's gone it doesn't matter to anyone enough to just remember her. Not replace her, remember her.

I barely notice myself walking across the stage and accepting my diploma and I don't notice the rest of the ceremony. I smile to some of my friends, I only have a few but they are all surrounded by family and friends and people who care about what they are doing and where they are going. I got invited to a few dinners but I said no, I'm not into riding on anyone's coat-tails. Besides I need to see about a vampire who doesn't think I know he's here.

I manage to make my way to the back of the room and Angel's turning to leave, I can't help but sigh. I cross my arms over my chest and glare at the back of his head.

"What are you not even going to congradulate me before you stalk off into the night and save the world one damsel at a time?"
Dawn Summers
01 May 2005 @ 09:05 pm
[continued from here]

"My loss, Spike shrugged and tried to follow me inside, but he was hit with the invisible barrier that vampires get smacked with when they are univited.

"Come in Spike," I said rolling my eyes, he shrugged again and followed me inside keeping with that little smirk on his face. Apparently he'd half expected to have been univited; which meant at some point he had been invited, it confused me.

"So who is this vampire that your flirting with?"

I turned and looked at him with a grin, "Bleached out weirdo who has a thing for slayers even though he won't admit it."

I was playing with fire, and I was just waiting to get burned, itching to get burned by him at least. This wasn't smart, in fact Faith would tell me I was being fucking stupid. I was being fucking stupid but I wanted to be.

Joyce popped her head in, half unsurprised and not at all scared to see Spike standing by me. She just gave us a look and asked if we needed anything. I asked if Faith was back and she said that she wasn't, I just nodded, sighed and told her we'd be in my room.

Buffy's room. Joyce didn't seem all that fazed by us, by Spike. I guess she was used to vampires, fairly decent ones and Spike was all neutered.

I silently walked up to my room waiting for him to follow me, knowing he would without question. He was intriqued by me, or just amused, I could handle either of those occurances. I liked him, and usually I didn't really care for the guys I brought home and they didn't get very far either. I wasn't completely unexperienced but I wasn't a slut either, I was just Dawn Mathews and my mom was an abusive drunk, my sister was a bit pyschotic sometimes but a good person.

I was making company with vampires, which wasn't anything new in this town, or this house so I couldn't really feel guilty.

I plopped down on my bed, Buffy's old bed redressed with crimson and black, her room had undergone a quick change in the hour I'd spent unpacking my shit. From light and girly to dark and not quite as girly.

I laid down on my bed and looked up at the ceiling.

"So, why do you ask questions that you already know the answers to?"
Dawn Summers
21 April 2005 @ 03:02 pm
I had no idea why I kept talking about Buffy to Mike. I mean she was this gorgeous high school girl that even though she was a total freak all the boy like feel at her feet. It was disgusting. And what do I care about her boyfriend with the girly name anyway?

"So I don't really think you should go home yet cause the freaky lady could still be outside. So we could watch TV, when my sister gets home we can make her go check around, she's a total spaz but she's not really afraid of much."

I bit my lip and sighed.

Mike just shrugged at me and I led him into the kitchen to watch something. There had to be something undorky on TV, so I wasn't completely mortified, as long as he didn't find the New Kids on the Block recorded concerts that Buffy used to collect I'd be fine. Man she's ruining my life even when she's no where to be seen.

Oh and she's totally going to be doing my chores for a month because mom will flip out if she finds out how late Buffy is, and I'll have to tell her if Buffy doesn't agree to my terms. She hates getting grounded but she does so much that is cause for the punishment. Even I don't get in that much trouble. I'm not the reason we had to move to this stupid town anyway.
Dawn Summers
24 March 2005 @ 04:03 pm
The walk home from Spike's seemed so short, I was very relieved that neither Willow or Faith were home. I didn't want to explain why I was wearing Spike's shirt. I probably would have started to cry again.

I slipped out of my skirt and crawled into my bed, still wearing his shirt, it was a small comfort but he wasn't ever getting he back. I hoped he knew that. My dreams came and they were filled with lots of things they shouldn't be filled with. At least by Spike's standards I shouldn't be thinking about him like that. I shouldn't be dreaming about all the things he could do to me, good and bad.

I woke up and had dinner with Faith, she seemed kind of in her own world and I wasn't sure where Willow was. I took a long shower and headed to Spike's. It was sad, how much I didn't care if he hurt me, I couldn't stay away. Besides I told him I'd be back and if I didn't show up he'd worry.

I wasn't but a block away from his crypt, inside the cemetary when I heard the crack of leaves behind me. No. Ok, I had to breathe and think. I knew without slayer instinct that there was a vampire behind me, I turned around and saw a group of three behind me. I could run towards Spike's but they would proabably catch me.

I sighed and made a decision, I took the stake out of my the back of my jeans and took off towards Spike's. I was so close when one of them caught up with me and threw me against a grave stone.

"Spike!" I screamed, knowing he'd hear me. I knew I could handle one vampire, but three? I was human after all, I wasn't my sister.

I started to defend myself, from the one, but the other two closed in too, knocking the stake from my hand. I kicked on in the groin and managed to block a kick to the head, but I was backed up against a over sized headstone.
Dawn Summers
22 March 2005 @ 08:05 pm
I sat idly across from the new Counseller. Trying to focus on anything but whatever it was she was saying to me. I didn't want to be counselled or consoled or any of that stupid crap. I just wanted people to stop treating me like a damn child.

"I know there's been a lot of loss," I looked up at her. She knew? Yeah right she knew whatever.

"Yeah. Kinda. I-I mean, yes. People keep ... people have a tendency to go away ... and, I miss them."

She nodded like she understood, "And then everyone whose left behind treats me like a child, like it's ok for them to go away and not go back and I'm not allowed to see what life's really like."

God, why the hell was I telling her this? Maybe it was because no one else ever really listened to me, except maybe Spike. And even he was too 'oh Buffy' to really be my friend anymore. And Xander, I sighed, why did he have to be all goo goo over Anya? No one liked her, she was sometimes nice and all but really. I instantly felt guilty over wishing Anya ill or something, I just ...

"And you want to be given the opportunity to live your life?" She asked me, as if she were prodding me for something. But that's what they were suppose to do right?

"Sometimes I just wish I was the older sister," I said shrugging.

She gave me a smile and nodded, we continued to talk for a while, until finally I went about my day in school. It was a long day for some reason, it kept thinking something was different or off or something. I sighed heavily and started walking home, my thoughts grazing over the paper I knew I'd have to work on as soon as possible to get anything done tonight. The dreaded birthday party.

I couldn't believe the councellor had called me to her office, was I on some weird radar of the schools? Just because my mom died and everything, it's not like they knew about Buffy, she was still my fitful gaurdian in their eyes; which ok she was back but fitful? I sighed, I felt like something odd was happening but I couldn't really put my finger on it. I really wanted to avoid everyone at the party tonight, but it didn't seem like something that I was going to get.

Too bad wishes don't come true.

I sighed heavily and walked through the front door, I was assualted with the decorations as soon as I entered, what on earth? Xander and Anya were suppose to come over after I got home to decorate, Willow was going to be late from class and, wait, Did that banner say Happy Birthday Dawn?

What the heck!
Dawn Summers
08 March 2005 @ 02:16 pm
I sighed into my pillow. I'd overslept, again. Willow was going to lecture me and god knows what Faith would say. I still didn't quite know what she'd do on a given day but I'd come to accept my fate of being the driving force in this house. I couldn't even call it the Summer's house anymore. I mean I was the only Summers that still lived here and the only way that worked out was because Dad decided to step up and pay the bills after I yelled and screamed at him for near an hour at Buffy's funeral. Which by god he attended, he didn't even do that for mom.

Willow, Faith and I were living on my Dad's dime and it was a relief in the money department, but I didn't like depending on him. It's why I'm going to UCS instead of UCLA or well anywhere else that required more than my crappy student loans.

I hadn't really had a stress free time since I visited Tara in L.A. and even then I somehow felt the need to tell her that Willow was doing really good. I don't know the whole reason she decided to come back to Sunnydale, but it was enough for me that she came back. I had planned on grabbing her for lunch today at the caf' but as its stands I'm still in bead.

I grabbed the clock, It had been Buffy's I was in her room. It hadn't seemed entirely right for Faith to move into Buffy's room. There was so much ... weirdness involved in Faith taking over for Buffy the way it happened so I wanted to keep one piece of my sister's life out of Faith's hands. Besides I really hated Faith when she first came here. I mean she tried to kill my sister, she kidnapped me and my mom once. And then she was coming in and taking over Buffy's life? I was like 15 and not happy about it. But we were cool now, most of the time.

Willow was the mom, sometimes Xander played the mom, especially when I got lectures about spending so much time with Spike. Spike was the only one who actually talked about Buffy after she'd died, everyone else just danced around it, trying to spare my feelings. But Spike was there for me, he let me cry on his shoulder and scream and rage when I blaimed myself. He held me when I beat on his chest because I was so angry at her. And he let me remember her, and that was why Spike was my best friend. He always treated me like I wasn't just Buffy's sister or the kid or the key. He treated me like Dawn.

Things were mostly different now with everyone. I mean we didn't really go out of our way to avoid talking about Buffy and we usually didn't cry when we did talk about her, but still, Spike was different.

Spike was ... He was just my best friend. Yeah, that's why I haven't gone over in a few days. It was because of the last time I crashed at his crypt. School had started and I was stressed, I ended up there so late and he was shirtless and there was flushed feelings all over the place when I walked in, even though I pretended there weren't.

He was Spike you know? In love with Buffy till the end of time, which for him was forever. I couldn't compete with that, not with Buffy. Not that I wanted to compete, no It had just been late and he was an attractive man. I was not *in love* with Spike.

I groaned and threw the covers off me. So maybe I felt something for him, I mean I'd spent a lot of time with him in the past two years, I'd had a crush on him when I was younger, so of course I got warm fuzzie feelings for him.

Oh I needed to stop thinking about this.

I headed to the bathroom to shower then I'd call Tara, skip classes the rest of the day and find something fun to do that didn't involve thinking about Spike or missing Buffy and Mom. Those were my goals.

Then again knowing me I'd end up at Spike's crypt.

After the shower and change, and food because my stomach was growling with hunger, I headed to the phone, the new one. The last one had been shattered against the wall when someone slayed a stupid ugly demon.

I sighed and dialed Tara's number, waiting for her to pick up. I was excited about Tara being here and I wanted to hang out with her until she got sick of me. So why couldn't I stop thinking about heading to Spike's Crypt on the way to campus?
Dawn Summers
08 March 2005 @ 01:26 pm
[continued from here]

Tara and I had pretty much gorged ourselves on ice cream and talk of everything that had happened while she'd been ... um Gone. Was gone even the right word? It was mostly me talking, telling her about Willow going all black haired, not because I wanted to make her guilty but because she needed to know. Plus she wanted the truth from me, she didn't want me to pretend everything had been peachy with a side of keen when she died.

I think she was surprised when she found out that she'd been gone for less than a year. She seemed to thing it was a lot longer. Maybe I looked way older now or something. I told her about Spike coming back and being all crazy and everything that had happened in Sunnydale before we had to run here, and Mom coming to me and telling me about Buffy not being there for me.

Basically she knew everything that had happened. At least from my perspective, I knew there was probably so much more that had gone on that I didn't know about because I was the little kid and everything was filtered for me. I told her how good I was training with Gunn and I think I got a little excited. I showed her what I learned. Not that I hit her hands like with Gunn I just did the punches you know like in karate' class and stuff, only I didn't make those weird fighting noises.

She didn't seem to want to talk about what she remembered, or didn't remember and I was alright with that, I figured she was still trying to make sense of it all or trying to deal with coming back. I mean she had to be in heaven right? Like Buffy was, but I didn't think she'd been all dragged kicking and screaming, I mean no one did any spell right?

I got quite and we heard the noise coming from the Lobby. I think someone was having a little party to celebrate the sun coming back. Which I'd barely noticed, you'd think that would be a big thing you know, all sun whee. I guess I wasn't really paying attention, cause I mean Tara's back.

I convinced her to come out and see everyone. I didn't know if maybe she and Willow would go talk or something, but we couldn't hide from everyone forever, well I couldn't. She should be able to if she wanted to.

We walked into the lobby just as wait, did harmony just disappear? I closed my eyes and shook my head, wow I was going on so little sleep. I hadn't realized how tired I'd been. I just ignored it and walked over to punch, we had punch? It must have been stock pilled in the kitchen. I smelled it to make sure it wasn't all you know alcoholy because as much as I wanted to grow up I wasn't looking to do it that way.

I smiled happily and got a drink and grabbed a hot pocket. My mind went to Andrew and I felt a pang. I missed him a lot.

"We apocolypse fighters sure know how to party." I gave Tara a smile, I could tell she was a bit ... well antsy around everyone. Because she knew like maybe 4 of us. Granted I felt the same way I barely knew anyone here either it seemed.

Buffy was talking to Fred and Gunn, she so better not be checking up on me. Cordelia seemed kind of - lost in her own world. She was sad about Angel; and idiot knew that.

I bit my lip, I was trying to be un-nervous because I didn't like being all jumble of nerves, but I was. These people all saw me as a child. I was a kid and nothing more. Buffy's whiney little sister who happens to be pretty good a research. Oh and I'm tall don't forget that I'm tall, go me.
Dawn Summers
01 March 2005 @ 09:51 pm
The stupid council members got lost. We'd stayed over night in a cheap motel that rivialed the sunny motor inn. I wasn't happy. I mean come on, I wanted to seem my fucking sister already. I knew she was freaking out, it was Faith. She might be able to fool everyone else with her calm facade but I wasn't everyone else.

She was freaking out. I mean she'd just been pulled out of prision to be a slayer. They hadn't told me what had happened to Muffy ... er Buffy. So I imagined they hadn't given Faith any details either. I mean Buffy tried to kill my sister. Faith tried first I know, but still we were going to live with her. She was going to be all in her slay groove again. I knew she was wicked freaked.

I was worried, not really for me because I was pretty much uncaring, I had nothing to loose besides her. But I was her sister, I'd do whatever I could for her. I was worried no one would let her be her. They'd hold everything against her. Which I got, because she did kill two people, but they didn't know why.

No one knew why. I'm not even sure she knew why she decided to go to the mayor for help. But I knew. She was scared, she didn't feel excepted and she definately was worried about me. She went to him because of me. And I knew it.

We fought so much in that time. I yelled at her and told her she was turning out like mom only with death row tactics.

She went into her coma before I could ever apologize and then social services took me away. SOcial damn services didn't come into our apartment when mom's boyfriends put out ciggarette's on my back, but they come in now?

Assholes. I hated the damn council more than just about anything else in the world.

And what about Ms. Summers? What was she going to think? I mean she was technically my legal gaurdian now. I hate them. I hate them.

The car pulled up and stopped in front of a vaugely familiar house.

I didn't wait for anyone to say anything I just threw the car door open and burst outside towards the front door, which opened and the woman I knew as Joyce Summers stood there.

I saw Faith's form move and walk outside, I knew she still wasn't big with the affection thing but I threw my arms around her.
Dawn Summers
10 February 2005 @ 02:39 pm
My training with Gunn went fantastically. I was so excited. I had to admit though my arm was sore from using those muscles that I rarely use you know, ever. We were on our way to go change and do the not smell bad thing when we came around a scene in the lobby.

My first reaction? Duck and run, because those things rarely go well and without blood involved. But as we walked closer I felt my heart stop.


I caught Wes's eye and I barely noticed Buffy look at me. I just watched as everyone around Tara reacted to her presence. Then Willow and her were having an exchange and I felt like I was intruding but I couldn't get my feet to move, I couldn't walk away.

Tara was back? Was she the first? She couldn't be the first, I'd die if she came to us like that all evil and full of bad intentions. Besides Buffy, she was the closest person to me. I missed her so much I wanted to cry. But this wasn't my moment.

I kept screaming at myself inside to move, to give Tara and Willow some time alone, but I wasn't cooperating, my feet felt like lead. I felt the tears fall down my face; I instantly had this fear, irrational of course, but an intense fear that this was a trick, like Spike had been, that something wasn't right.

But it was Tara, and Tara was all things good and nice and I missed her. My world was being turned upside down over and over again. Isn't that what Gunn and I had been talking about? How insane it all was. I just wanted a tiny bit of normalcy. A friend or two. People who never looked down on me, treated me like an equal instead of a child. And Tara, Tara had never done any of those things. Neither had Spike, which was why it had hurt so much.

I had no notions as to why she was standing there, locked into a moment with Willow, a moment I was standing there intruding on but couldn't force myself to move away from.

I just watched them for a while, saying what they needed to say.

After what seemed like forever I felt myself begin to speak.

In a struggled cry, "Tara ..."

Within seconds I wanted to take it back, give them more time to just bask in the presence of the other, but I couldn't turn back time and erase it.
Dawn Summers
03 February 2005 @ 07:55 pm
I crossed my arms over my chest and stepped on the cigarette crushing the ash with my shoe. My foster mother was inside talking to these old british men, she thought they were social workers, explaining about how they were revoking the custody she had of me.

I knew better, they were fucking council members. Faith had called me, I'd been surprised and relieved, I did miss my sister after all, but I'd had a decently normal life since she turned herself in. Of course anything would have been better than Boston with mom, or that horrible hotel room where Faith and I had stayed in Sunnydale.

But now we were going back. I had these wicked mixed feelings. They killed, I mean we were going to be living with the chick who tried to kill my sister. I know Faith went all pyscho first, but she was just trying to protect me. I hated the mayor, he used her, tricked her. But he took care of us. So living with this Buffy chick? I didn't think it was going to be fun.

I wanted to have a normal life with my sister. Do normal sisterly things, instead I was going to be a new kid, at 16 in a new place. Sunnydale, ok not new but I didn't go to school when we were there before. At least the council had gotten Faith off, she said she was still freaked out about not doing that whole redemption thing, but she could do good in Sunnydale right?

That Buffy chick got turned into a vampire, got good like her boytoy old boyfriend and everyone forgave her, so I knew Faith could make it, and I'd be there with her. I'd kick those scooby gang's asses if they treated her badly. What kind of fucking name is scooby gang anyway? Are we 12?

I bet we can move out of that shiny happy house when I turn 18. I met Mrs. Summers a few times in Sunnydale and she seemed nice enough, but I sure as hell don't want another mom. Mine is good an dead where she ought to be, another one isn't on the menu for me or Faith.

I just wish I could see her before I get shipped out of San Fransico. It's been almost a year. We'd never been apart that long before. So now I gotta go with these Brits and hope they don't try to kill my sister again. I'm almost surprised they didn't just decide to kill her so the stupid slayer line would be reactivated.


"Mrs. Mathews It's time for us to go."

I turned and watched them pick up my bags. My foster family had been nice, but I hadn't been with them long enough to be real sad bout' leaving.

I just them a slight wave.

"I'll write." I promised.
Dawn Summers
21 January 2005 @ 08:27 pm
I'd pretty much gone silent on Buffy and I hadn't gotten what was wrong out of her. Well ok a little with the Admission about Angel's visit and Wes's fear, but still. I kinda felt guilty for being so ... me. For being scared and letting her see, but I knew it was no use hiding things like that from Buffy. She was Buffy.

I sighed and headed upstairs to my room, I layed down on my bed and let my mind wander over all the things that had happened. I hated missing Sunnydale so badly but I did. I missed my room still.

I even missed the closeness to the cemetaries. Ok well Restfield, cause mom was there. I wanted to go there so badly, sit and put a rose on her grave and talk to her. I knew it was silly to think that somehow talking to her there would make her hear me, but it was a resting place right? It meant something.

Religion had always been this strange thing in our house, Mom wasn't really religious but she wasn't not either. I wasn't even sure where Buffy stood on the whole idea either.

God I was feeling so antsy. And my little mind trip back to Sunnydale wasn't helping so I got up determined to do something productive.

The question was what?

I could go hunt down some of the potentials and make some sort of effort to get to know them. Even if that one did stalk my sister, and the others mostly seemed to kind of dismiss me. Who'd survived three years of vampires? Yeah thought so.

I sighed. Going into that with a chip on my shoulder? Probably not the best idea. I kicked my bed and pulled back with a gasp. It hurt, dangit.

Then it hit me. "Gunn." I felt a smile spread on my face.

He so promised me I could hit things. And I could totally do it too, I can just see because he's really good a fighting, vampires especially. Maybe if I ever saw Spike again Gunn could teach me to at least defend myself or you know get out of those vice-like vampire grips they always seemed to get me in.

The only question was ... were was Gunn. I wasn't the real pay-attention gal and had no idea which room was his, and how appropriate was that anyway? Knocking on a man's door? I mean it was different with Buffy and Willow, and even Xander, but I knew them, they were my family.

I bit my lip and decided just to wing it, Go in search. I changed into something more suitable for possible training and headed out to explore/scour the hotel for my new trainer man, person. What did I call him anyway? I wasn't a slayer so even trying to appoint him as pseudo-watcher wasn't really the way to go either.

Gunn would have to do, and I guessed he'd prefer it that way.

I headed towards the direction I usually saw him head in when stuff was whinding down, that seemed like the best bet.

[pretty much open to gunn once he's all done talking to Anya]
Dawn Summers
01 January 2005 @ 10:40 pm
I eyed the paintings on the wall with distaste. Knock-offs, you'd think someone with this much money would bother to get the original, but of course everything was fake. Then again that was the business I was in, full of airbrushing and model behavior, pardoning the pun of course.

The party was fairly dull, a string cortette butchered Chopin, there was a reason his pieces were played on a piano. God. I couldn't stand this, but my agent informed my it was of my best interested to be seen at this party. I didn't really like to be seen, that was why I worked behind the camera despite many offers to put me in front of it.

My life had been behind the scenes since I was a child, since my mother died and I joined "the scoobies" I'd never been in the spotlight and though as a teenager I'd craved her place in the limelight, these days I preferred to be the lame-o in the corner. College had proved too easy for my mind, my entire experience had been insane. I couldn't believe the stupidity of most of my peers and I'd found my calling in an elective.

Since then I'd been discovered by the main stream media. They loved my work and though I prefered the quiet days taking pictures of people and places that weren't posed, it was what paid the bills.

I sighed and looked around. Most of the people here were agents and models, though there were always random people from professions not directly linked to the business. I took a sip of my wine and pulled at my black cocktail dress.

I rarely found anyone interesting to talk to at places like this, but I noticed a guy that didn't exactly look out of place because he was well gorgeous, but he seemed slightly uncomfortable, like he wasn't use to all these people prancing around. I felt his pain.

I looked down and bit my lip before looking back over to him and noticing that his eyes were this intense blue, and then I caught them and blushed furiously before looking back down at my feet nervously.

Sure I wasn't 16 and entirely shy, my college years were filled with some experimentation, I was 25 after all, but nonetheless I still felt 16 at heart when I got noticed by people of substance.

I looked back up and he was gone, I couldn't help but frown before sighing and figuring it was just my luck anyway.
Dawn Summers
23 December 2004 @ 09:38 pm
There was little I could do after I left Mr. ... Wesley's office. It had always been strange for me, after having sex with a person, how did you act when you had to see them and it really wasn't a romantic situation?

And here I am. Dawn the big slut o'rama. But I'm not, not really. I have this problem. I never did get a chance to fully explain it to Mr ... God Dawn his name is Wesley, Wesley, you had wild passionate sex with this man, you must be able to say his name.

Buffy would kill me if she knew I'd come to a place like this. I could practically hear her go on about mom rolling over in her grave. But I think Mom would understand, in some weird way she would, because she was mom and mom was like that. But I couldn't worry about what Buffy thought of me for my entire life. I was an adult, and my therapist said my problems in school and general life goings on had to do with suppression of my natural instincts.

I'd felt dead for the past few months, I'd never known that I couldn't be that way anymore. My story was a long one that I didn't like to think about, but I knew what people in high school thought about me, what they said about me. Being addicted to sex when your sixteen pretty much just makes you a slut. Maybe I had been a slut, but it was like breathing.

And Dr. McDonald said complete supression was detrimental. Not that I think he wanted me to become a high priced hooker but it seemed like a good idea when I first got it. I mean I was in serious need of financial help. School was expensive and I was paying it all myself. I had to, I wasn't going to allow Buffy to run herself into the ground trying to pay for school for me. I did actually love my sister.

But when I'd heard about it, a clean place, clients that would treat you well or pretty much be hurt, very good money. It sounded good. Then going there, being so nervous, the smell of sex all around. Plus the fact that I hadn't had any in over 4 months, and the curve of Wesley's jaw, everything, I'd been dying inside.

Walking out into the bar area had been embarassing. I was a screamer and they all knew why we were here. I couldn't stay and chat though, I had class.

And now I'm back. In this amazing closet looking for something to wear, with the possibility of having a client. Not some frat boy who pretends to care, or some guy in a bar that will never call the next day.

There were no expectations beyond one night here, there was only right now, here, you and him or her. There was pleasure, there was life and breath. I fingered some satin teddy's and bit my lip.

I heard the door open and footsteps.

((open to another bunny or wesley whatever works))
Dawn Summers
23 December 2004 @ 09:09 pm
My life is over. I just know it, after today there will be no more little pumpkin belly for mom to spoil and no bratty kid sister for Buffy to ignore and hide her diary from. I will not exist and life will go on.

Mom thinks I'm being dramatic but I'm not.

See Janie Winston found my notebook that had Eric James's name written all over it with hearts and I'd written Mrs. Dawn James and she said she was going to show everyone in the whole school. She thinks she's so cool because her older brother works at a kinkos, and she can copy it for free! FREE!

And then she's going to post it all over the school, and everyone will know and Eric will laugh at me. Because he's so cute and popular and older than me and Janie likes him and he probably likes her and it's all suppose to be so romantic for them.

I'm not dramatic I'm being truthful. I can never show my face again. Never ever in a whole million years. I could stay in my room and only come out for meals and maybe when Xander comes over to visit Buffy because he's soooooo cute. But there's also this weird thing I keep worrying about. And her name is Buffy. She's this big freako, all the girls in my grade who have older sisters tell me that Buffy is a big freak and that I'm probably just like her.

Why can't she be popular like she was in LA? At least when she was popular people thought I was cool too. Mom says I'm too hard on Buffy but she's the big stupidhead who got kicked out of school. Not the role modle material, or that's what janice says. She borrowed her dad's pyschology book and we've been trying to figure out what's wrong with everyone we know.

But we don't really understand what it's talking about so we just pick out ones for people to be. Buffy is a mood disorder, or maybe she has one. I can't remember, pyschology is hard and they use all these words I don't really understand, but mom says my interest being peeked this young could mean that I have a knack for the field.

I'm not really sure what that means either but I just smile because she gets that look in her eyes like she's going to be in a good mood all day and when she gets like that she sometimes comes home early from the gallery and makes cookies for me to eat even if she does make me save some for Buffy. Maybe I can figure out where she hid her diary this week.
Dawn Summers
23 December 2004 @ 08:35 pm
My strength is returning, which I'm glad for. I never liked being the weak one. I mean growing up with Buffy as a big sister was kinda like always having an inferiority complex. Granted it was easy to have an inferority complex around a slayer when your anyone.

And then throw in witches, good vampires, potential slayers and all that It's just me, trying to stay afloat. So I'm still the key? What does that even mean? I could open glory's door for that one day right? I mean that's all we know. It's not like there is anything written about me, cause I'm so old and everything. Or the key is, I am? Which actually means i'm totally older than Buffy. I should be the one telling her what to do and not the one being told.

Too bad she would never go for that. Even if I had like an entire book that only Wes could read about it, she'd just give me that look. You know the one, she gives it to you when you say something she doesn't want to have to argue with, and if she ends up having to argue with it you know she's going to win and so does she. It's so infuriating!

But I get to hit things! Buffy is so having me train! I didn't even have to kick her shin or anything! Ok so yeah, it's because she thinks I can't take care of myself. I can, it's not my fault Spike bit me, twice. Apparently the key's blood is just nice and tastey.

I was a little hesitant because she put me with Gunn and I don't know him that well. I wanted it to be her, but I guess potentials are more important as far as training goes, and I don't mean to seem bitter. Gunn's cool and he says I get to hit things, and by golly I'm going to hit things! And get good at it, he's been working with Angel back when he was still Angel for years. And he's still around and human so that's got to count for something.

The hotel is kind of creepy to me. I've never really liked them in general but all the stories Wes and them tell about stuff that's gone on around here, the people that have died. It's so big and I miss home. Maybe that's it, I don't like it because I miss my room and my things. I miss that picture of mom, buffy and I. I missed it all.

I can't sleep much, I don't let Buffy know how scared I am about this new key thing. I try to convince myself that it doesn't worry me that Spike has my blood and that my existance could cause some weird hell on earth thing. Not that it isn't hellish at the moment. How I think that I should have been the one who jumped off that tower almost two years ago, then there wouldn't be a question and maybe Buffy could have those two years back.

I don't know at night when I can't sleep and I'm tired of counting sheep to keep me from thinking, I end up thinking about all kinds of things.

Most of the time I end up in the kitchen, eating peanut butter and pickle sandwiches. I sit on the counter in my t-shirt and pj pants, my hair in stupidly childish pig tails and imagine making a cookbook for freaky eaters. Like now I'm thinking about salsa topped pancakes, my toes are painted this bright green color that I'm staring at and thinking I really need to change.

I want to sneak into someone's room and make them entertain me but that's dangerous around here in so many ways. Sometimes because they'll attack you, other because there are multiple parties in rooms and they don't have clothes on. Or single parties with the same problem. Or those weird people who actually sleep at night.

I sigh and take a sip of my chocolate milk and pick at the bowl of spagetti-Os in front of me, hoping by some chance someone will come in for water or warm milk or something.
Dawn Summers
15 December 2004 @ 10:34 am
I have no idea where I am. I remember laying on my bed in Sunnydale writing in my journal about how stupid Buffy was and how cute Xander could be. Even if Anya was always around, he'd show his love for me soon, I just knew it.

And now I'm in an alley, my body has curves, and I'm really scared. Vampires do exist you know. Buffy slays them but I don't know where Buffy is? Or where I am. The world around me seemed so dark and it wasn't like Sunnydale. It kind of reminded me of L.A. maybe dad came and rescued me from Sunnyhell and brought me back to live with him and I had the whole house to myself and I could be his princess again!

A siren rang out and my little bubble went all bursty. Ok. I'm 13, only somehow kind of have breasts which I've been wishing for, for like ever, but that's besides the point. I could figure that out later. I'm in an alley, in L.A. by myself, wearing a red shirt, that is kind of tight, and my jeans are way cute, but low slung on my hips. I wasn't really comfortable like this.

Ok. Maybe if I get out of the dark alley I'll be ok. Yes. Good plan, always have a plan, that's what Buffy would say right?

((open to well anyone wanting in))
Dawn Summers
30 November 2004 @ 08:43 pm
I sat on the kitchen counter sipping the very large cup of black coffee I'd made for myself and anyone who came in here looking for it. There were about 5 pots all done.

And I sat there. I still looked like I'd been beated up, but I couldn't hide in my room forever avoiding the world. I figured once these killer dreams were over I could try to go to the dean about missing so much school, and finals, got finals.

I kept going over in my head what I could say. "My boyfriend got kidnapped?" But what if he didn't? What if he just left me and I'm a fool? What if he doesn't love me, what if I'm just missing his constant attention and not him?

God I had to stop thinking.

I surveyed the liquor cabinent across the room and weighed my options. What would a drink do to me anyway? Calm me down. Just as long as I didn't fall asleep I'd be fine.

I hop off the counter and feel a shot of electricity pull from the toaster to my hand as I swip by it. I lurched back and looked at my hand, it was glowing a small hint of green. I stare at it and try to shake it away.

"No. Not now, whatever this is not now."

I close my eyes and it's still there. I don't know what else to do so I rush over to the cabinent and grab the first bottle of liquor I can find and start to gulp it down. My hand is still glowing and I feel the burn of whatever drink in my stomach.

I pull it away and cough loudly. The bottle drops and shatters on the floor. All I can do is cough and stare at my hand.

Then I feel something, I look up and a guy is standing there, watching me.

"Who are you?" I asked shakily.

((open just to the connorness))
Dawn Summers
The room was dimly lit and I sat there wondering if I could move. My body felt so weighed down, I was in a chair, like something you’d see out of one of those stupid remakes of actual good royalty movies. Or creepy vampire movies.

I really didn’t want to think about creepy vampires but that really wasn’t something I could control. I mean look at my life.

I hear a soft voice echoing. Was that singing? It started to get louder and I felt a presence in the room. I tried to get up but I just couldn’t, I wasn’t happy about it either, but forcing myself not to panic. No panicking never a good thing, then you loose all sense of reason and why the heck am I thinking about this instead of trying to figure out …

“Dawnie?” I froze. Not that it was hard because I couldn’t move anyway but I felt like my heart was going to stop.

“Ta … Tara …” I tried to turn my head to see her, but I couldn’t.

I heard this noise, that I knew was her smiling. “Why can’t I see you? Tara?”

It was a safe assumption that this was a dream, but having lived through the things I had, Dreams weren’t meant to be taken lightly.

“Tara, I’m so scared, I …” The room went black.

I opened my eyes to the darkness, almost expecting to see that creepy chair but it was just my room, my plain old room with no Tara. I started to sit up but I still felt really weak so I had to brace myself on the sides of the bed.

My hand when to my neck and it was still damp. Well the gauze was damp, why wasn’t I healing faster. I knew I’d been over this whole we share the same blood why can’t I just heal thing in my head a million times but come on, it wasn’t fair. I had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t know if it was from lack of food since Andrew had graciously given me his, or if it was that impending feeling of doom.

Blood is life. I think Spike told me that once and now he has mine. What does he need it for? Why, could it do something to a vampire that we don’t know about? I mean I still have no idea what I am. Ok a key to glory’s dimension, wow. But it’s closed and even if I stood on that tower and let myself get bleed dry tonight it wouldn’t open it so why am I still the key?

I just wanted to be a normal kid. As normal as I can be considering of course. And I get this weird vibe from Buffy, and I’m still not happy that as soon as anyone sees me they freak out cause they had no idea, I know it’s childish and all, but sometimes I don’t always just want to be Buffy’s sister or the Key. I’m Dawn, plain and simple.

And everytime I think about Spike I want to cry. He was my friend, he took care of me when Buffy was … well up there … and now he wants to kill me? Us all?

At least I have Andrew, in all his quirkiness he’s still my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without him.
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Dawn Summers
16 November 2004 @ 06:28 pm
I was running, everything was flying past me so fast. Why?

"Come back here bitch!" I heard the yelling and I pushed further. I had to get away from him but my body was shaking so hard I felt like I would trip any moment.

And then it happened, I ran into an alley, a dead end. I noticed the tears running down my face and I felt him walk up behind me.

"Poor little Dawnie, big sis isn't here to protect you is she?" I closed my eyes wishing him away, he wasn't here. He couldn't be here.

"Go away." I cried.

"Go Away" he mocked back. I turned around to face him. A face I barely knew. Why was he here, what did I ever do to him? He was dead, so long ago.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him, trying to gain control of my emotions. I tried to remember what Buffy had taught me about controlling my emotions, channeling them into something positive.

He walked towards me slowly and before I knew it his fist was in my gut and I was doubled over in pain.

"Because Dawnie. He was mine." He sneered down at me and pulled a gun out of his pocket. Tara's cold body flashed in my mind and I wanted to be sick.

"I don't know what your talking about." I choked out finally.

"He was mine. I controlled what he did. I was all he cared about. Do you know what that kind of power is like?" I pointed the gun at my chest.

I was frozen in fear.

"Of course you do, because you have it now. You stole him from me. The stupid ass would hang on the word of a donkey if it showed any interest in him. Don't think your special Dawn. You're not special. You’re convenient.”

I shook my head and closed my eyes.

This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be happening.

“He’s never killed for you has he Dawn? Cause He killed his best friend just because I told him to. Doesn’t it make you wonder if I could get him to kill again?”

He pointed the gun at my face. Tears were pouring down my face.

“Maybe I’ll get rid of you a better way than doing it myself.” He grinned wickedly at me and I shook my head.

“You don’t know him anymore. If you ever really did.”

His eyes looked like they turned to fire and he hit me across the face with the barrel of the gun.

I lurched up from my bed, my body was covered with sweat and my jaw was hurting. I lifted my hand to my face and felt a warm liquid meet my finger tips.

I turned my light on and looked at my hand covered in blood.

“Warren …”
Dawn Summers
08 November 2004 @ 08:51 pm
The cab pulled up to the mansion and I looked up at the imposing structure. It seemed so out of place, despite the fact that weeks ago I would have said just the opposite.

Buffy paid the driver and we made our way to the gates. I looked up and dropped the bag of stuff we'd aquired on our searching. I sank to the stone sidewalk and began to sob.

"Dawnie." Buffy said helplessly. She dropped her own bag and leaned down to put her arms around me. I wanted to shrug her off and pretend that I didn't need or want her comfort but I couldn't. I did need her, and she'd been here for me in the last week. She'd run off with me on a wild goose chase. She could have stayed and soaked up rays with Angel or anything besides following my whims about where Andrew could be.

"I don't know if I can go back in there without knowing he's going to be there with a goofy look and a peanut dipped pickle for me in the middle of the night." I cried. Rain slowly began to pelt down on my head.

She put her hand on my cheek and lifted my face to look at her. "Dawn we'll find him. We just have to use some other means. I know we can do something, we're not giving up, we just can't stay away, even with Faith here I still have ..."

"I know." I sighed heavily. I knew I'd taken her away from her responsibilities for too long already but I couldn't say it outloud. Like Andrew wasn't important enough to do so. Hell I'd missed all my finals and was probably going to be thrown out of school when I went back.

"Dawnie, I promise you we will find Andrew, but sitting out here in the rain and getting sick isn't going to help him."

I nodded and she pulled me to my feet.

"Buffy, what if he left me?" I'd been thinking it since we'd decided to come home. What if Andrew had just left without telling me. What if he didn't want to be with me anymore?

"Dawnie, I've learned in my life that anything is possible, but that I'm afraid is the least likely possibility ever in this case. Andrew is like completely in love with you, I don't really want to imagine that something bad has happened to him, but I know there is some kind of explination."

I tried to agree, I tried to believe what she said was true, but wouldn't we have found something by now. Some stupid vampire's ransom note, a clue, anything?

"I just want to sleep in my own bed." I said finally as we walked through the large doors of the foyer.

"You know where I am if you need me. I've got to fill Giles in, maybe do some training with Faith and definately spend some snuggly time with Angel." She looked up at me like she'd just slapped me in the face.

"I'm sorry, I mean I didn't ... I ..." She opened her mouth to speak.

"Buffy shut up and go find Broody Man. I'll be fine." I lied with a fake smile. She didn't look overly convinced but she gave my shoulder a squeeze and headed off towards the offices.

I moped my way to my room. There was a picture of Andrew and I from our second date sitting on my nightstand. I turned it face down and made my way to the bathroom. A nice long warm shower was in my future. Then a weeks worth of sleeping to avoid thinking about it all.