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16 December 2005 @ 07:59 pm
fandom_muses Application  

What is one thing you have learned from your past?

It's the moment when they lower her lover into the ground that she remembers the spell she never completed to revive her mother. She barely has the patience to stand there and shake hands; keep on her tight smile instead of running off to Willow's library and find that book. When she finally is able to get away she sprints of in the direction of her friends home.

Once she's there she begins to tear through the library searching with fever for that book or any book like it. Anything that will bring him back to her; she's lost too much in her life to loose him too. She can't do it, a long time ago she would have said that Buffy's death had killed something inside her. He'd woken her up, pulled her from a haze that she'd managed to throw herself in and she couldn't breathe now - he was gone.

Dawn finally found the book she was looking for and left the library in dissaray. She climbed down to Willow's supply room and quickly gathered up everything she needed for the spell. Finally she sat down and started the ritual, proper preperation was key; Willow was a good teacher.

He won't be the same.

The thought compounded in her head but she threw it away. She'd stopped the ritual to bring her mother back and there were times when she'd regretted it more than she could stand. She couldn't live her life without him, she spoke the latin, sprinkled the herbs and waited. The pounding on the door startled her and the low moan sent a single tear down her face. She smashed the bowl with her foot and sank to the ground as the pounding stopped.

She hadn't learned a damn thing.

Describe a dream that you've had. How did the dream make you feel?

I have this recurring dream. It starts out pretty normal, I'm in school and trying to flirt really badly with this guy in my art class. He's smiling in that cute boyish way that used to make me turn to jelly and then I see him. It's Giles standing in the doorway and I wonder what's up because Giles just doesn't come to my school, like ever. Then he comes in and whispers something to the teacher. She calls me over and I can see that look in her eyes that I think is familiar but I can't put my finger on why. I mean why do I know that look?

Then we're in the hall and Giles is cleaning his glasses and I'm waiting for him to say "Oh Dear" because he's got that Oh Dear face and he's cleaning his glasses like that and I don't know what to say.

I glance back in the art room through the large mirrors and everyone's staring at me like they are waiting for something to happen. I shake my head and turn to face Giles and he's got that same _expression that I know I should know and I wonder where Buffy is or Mom; where are they?

"Dawn, I'm afraid that something has happened."

And the air suddenly gets harder to breathe and I can't stand it but I can't walk away so I just look up at him and I can feel the tears forming behind my eyes because somehow I know what he's going to say.

"Where's Buffy? My Mom? Where are they Giles," and I'm waiting for him to tell me something horrible happened to them or tell me something stupid so I can go back to flirting and forget he ever came here. And I just know they're gone, something terrible happened to them and I can't breathe.

"I'm afraid they don't want to see you Dawn. You aren't real; you are meant for evil Dawn and no one wants anything to do with you."

And then Suddenly I'm thrown back into the glass and my classmates are standing there and staring at me with such hatred that I close my eyes, I hear someone scream something mean and I open my eyes in shock and Giles is standing over me with a knife in his hand and he's shoving it downward and then I wake up.

You tell me how that made me feel.
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